If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
