what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
