Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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