I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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