I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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