Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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