I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
