Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize