I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
