So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize