Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
