Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
