The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Someone signed my nipple.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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