I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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