I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
