And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
