I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
