think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
