Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
