Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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