I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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