Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
