just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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