On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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