what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
