she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
