i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
