Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
