So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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