I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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