I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She bit a glass in half.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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