$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
