who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize