I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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