all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
