you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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