my soul wont recognize me after tonight
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
