i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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