Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
