I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
