Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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