Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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