What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
