I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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