hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
