Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
