I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
