My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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