haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She even gives head with a lisp.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
