Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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