What a fucking waste of an outfit
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.