So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
