The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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