my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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