Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
