Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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