Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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