I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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