your parents love me but you hate me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
