btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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