He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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