It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
