what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
