Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
