Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
honey bunches of taint.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
