I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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