remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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