Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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