Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
