I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
